Małgorzata Halber: O modzie, czyli o ubraniach

Kiedy zastanawiałam się, co dokładnie mną kieruje przy zakupie nowej odzieży, doszłam do wniosku, że chodzi o to, żeby być kimś, kim jeszcze nie byłam. W wersji hard można codziennie być niezadowolonym z tego, kim się jest, i codziennie lądować w H&M, ponieważ przy pomocy tej właśnie koszulki ze Slayerem uda mi się wydobyć prawdziwą siebie.

Wybrałam inną opcję. Szukam, podobnie jak bardzo wiele osób, nowej siebie wśród używanej odzieży. Skoro i tak chodzi o mechanizm, to lepiej wydać na niego 2 zł niż 200. Na bazarze Banacha, gdzie jestem prawie codziennie od 10 lat, obserwuję uważnie modnisie zupełnie innego typu niż te z gazet. Mają po 60, 70 lat. Uważnie przekopują tuż obok mnie sterty ubrań wśród otaczających je zaśpiewów „po dwa złote, zapraszam, po dwa złote”. Tu nie ma ścieżki dźwiękowej ze Spotify, tu są kobiety mamroczące pod nosem: „No wszystko takie małe, jak już ładne, to małe”, których nie chcę prowokować, bo wiem, że niewiele trzeba, żeby zaczęły mamrotać do mnie. Czasem w odruchu siostrzeństwa pokazują mi kremplinową bluzkę z kołnierzykiem, właściwie to rzucają ją w moim kierunku, mówiąc: „O, to ładne”.

Bazar Banacha jest o tyle specyficzny, że znajduje się na nim około 10 stoisk, więc nie ma dnia, żeby nie dało się dla siebie czegoś wygrzebać, trzeba jedynie mieć naturę grzebacza. To cały rytuał, w trakcie którego można podsłuchać plotki z dzielnicy, ale też szybkie podsumowanie wydarzeń bieżących w polityce. Jest tu i pani Kasia, która chodzi na wszystkie marsze KOD-u i należała do Solidarności. Gniewna, ze stoiskiem najdłużej otwartym. Jest pan Edek, który trenuje juniorki i przychodzą do niego koledzy, pytając, jak tam poszło. Klientki na Banacha nieśmiało się konsultują. „Czy to aby nie pogrubia?”. Rzadko zdarza się usłyszeć negatywną opinię. Zawsze przeważa ten sam argument: za 2 zł można zaryzykować.

Łączy nas coś na kształt nałogu. Nigdy nie wiadomo, co się upoluje, trzeba być codziennie. Musiało minąć wiele lat, żebym nauczyła się prostych zasad: nie brać rzeczy, o których myślę, że będę je przerabiać – nie przerobię. Powstrzymać się, gdy coś jest za małe o rozmiar. Żadnych cekinów, sztucznych kwiatów i marszczeń. I najważniejsze: tkanina musi być miła.

To jest moje sąsiedzkie miejsce i dlatego kilka lat temu pomyślałam o tym, że należy je wypromować. Kiedy idę do H&M i zostawiam tam 100 zł, to wiem, że zarabia na mnie przemysł. Kiedy kupuję trzy sukienki, to 15 zł z mojej kieszeni idzie prosto do pani Kasi. W dodatku czuję jakąś sprawiedliwość społeczną, bo tyle de facto kosztuje wyprodukowanie tej sukienki. Postanowiłam pokazać dzięki Instagramowi, co można wygrzebać pośród moich koleżanek po sześćdziesiątce i pracujących od piątej rano kupców. Od tej pory raz na jakiś czas widzę dziewczyny z płóciennymi torbami i tatuażami, które grzebią obok mnie, i się cieszę.

Ale przede wszystkim jest w tym wszystkim lekcja względności. Marszczone wysoko bluzki modne 10 lat temu – miałam takich pełną szafę – teraz są zupełnie niechciane, nie schodzą nawet po złotówce. Koszulki w azteckie wzory, popularne trzy sezony temu. Swetry z neonowymi napisami. Kiedyś wzbudzające natychmiastowe pożądanie jako masthewsezonu, teraz leżą skotłowane i dostępne w cenie kilograma ziemniaków. Gdybym miała powiedzieć obrazem, czym jest dla mnie moda, to byłby to ten sweter przerzucany przez kolejną osobę, za który kiedyś bez wahania zapłaciłaby 150 zł.

 

Małgorzata Halber skończyła filozofię na UW, pisarka, rysowniczka i dziennikarka. Obecnie pracuje nad drugą książką po „Najgorszym człowieku na świecie”.

Foto: Łukasz Saturczak

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